just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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