You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
