some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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