I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
Operation Purity has been aborted
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
