This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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