after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Randomize
