Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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