he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
