I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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