i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
