The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
