yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
