I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
