I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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