i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Randomize
