I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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