you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
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