I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
