I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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