38 yer olds are good kisserssss
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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