just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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