mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
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