I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
