i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
