Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
