Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
