Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I think my vagina is haunted
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
