my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
