I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
