This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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