it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
