OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
