Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
Randomize
