And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
