I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
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