Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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