I'd wear matching sweaters with you
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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