watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
