I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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