Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Moan for me like Helen Keller
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
