Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
found the other keg... it's in the tree
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
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