I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
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