I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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