do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
