the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
