She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
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