Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
