Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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