I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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