I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
Randomize
