Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
I'm really busy with my period
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