my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
