Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
