i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
