I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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