I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
